One of my first memories was at age 5.  I was so happy and excited to start kindergarten – to be a big boy! Every child was to bring a rug on the first day of class. Halfway through the school day we would take them out, lie on them, and take a nap. Although not at all happy about taking a nap, I would proudly tout my rug to school that first day.

My family had little discretionary money. My two older sisters preceded me at kindergarten, and the hand-me-down rug was pink. At a very young age I was taught that pink was for girls.  What could we do? “We’re not going to buy a new rug.  But we can die this one!” mom said.

Still enthusiastic, we went to Woolworth’s. I could pick the new color! Of course, I picked blue.  After all, blue was for boys. Plus, it was (and still is) my favorite color. We came home, went into the basement laundry room and filled up the laundry tub with hot water. Mom let me open the box of dye. I didn’t spill even a bit of powder as I carefully poured it into the basin. Meticulously I stirred the deep blue mixture with a broken-ended yardstick. Then, we dunked in the rug, stirred it again, poked it, and prodded until the rug was completely stained with the transforming color.  

After ringing it out, we draped it over a clothesline to dry. I was still very excited while trying to assess the new color of my soon-to-be like-new rug. Mom said not to worry about the color right now. Once it dried, I’d be able to see the wonderful blue. But even after it dried, it wasn’t blue. I don’t know what color it was – it was hard to describe. It wasn’t blue. It wasn’t pink. It was kind of an unusual shade of green.    

To say, “From my earliest memories, I knew I was different” seems so cliché.  But it’s true for me. Although obviously a boy, I wasn’t like the other boys. I looked forward to kindergarten. I remember having fun playing with the little girls, and being a bit intimidated by the boys. I believe I was, in a way, an unusual shade of a boy. And I was a happy one. And I was elated to roll up that differently colored rug, tuck it under my arm, and proudly use it on the first day of class.