It finally happened. One of my grandchildren called me fat. Before he did that, he asked, “Why do you have such big butt?” I answered something like, “I just do. Just so you know, it’s not very kind to point out the size of someone’s butt, so you might not want to do that.” I thought I was done with it.

Today we live in a world where some churches welcome the LGBTQ community, some high schools have LGBTQ support groups, some states have laws protecting LGBTQ folks from discrimination, and some parents lovingly embrace their LGBTQ children when they come out. In today’s world, why would any young gay man not admit this to himself and others? How would any gay man marry a woman, have children and keep his thoughts to himself? 

Debbie and I have been married for 37 years. I came out to her when we were married for about 10 years. At that time, I identified as bisexual. I was sexually attracted to men and to Debbie. We were committed to remaining happily married forever….. But others weren’t quite so sure.

A couple of weeks ago, Debbie and I went on one of our date nights to the movies. We saw Amy Schumer’s “I Feel Pretty.” It’s pretty funny – and meaningful too. Amy plays a character named Renee who thinks she’s ugly, too fat, and totally unattractive. Although she is none of those things, she looks at herself through eyes of criticism and self-loathing. Her life appears to reflect that version of her reality. She doesn’t like her job in the dungeon of a warehouse, she doesn’t have a boyfriend, the whole works. Everything changes when she bumps her head….

A few years ago, Debbie and I were in a home improvement store. Debbie’s was selecting paint for a new bathroom. The person who served us did a wonderful job. We went to that store a couple of times – each time getting the same wonderful service from the nice young…. young….

Debbie and I came up with a long-term goal when our three daughters were very young. We decided that we’d “create a home that our adult children want to come home to.” Debbie and I imagined ourselves together on the front porch, in rocking chairs, sipping our coffee and chatting the day away....

In college, I was sexually attracted to women. But I was sexually attracted to men as well. I didn’t take any action on these feelings and continued to date women as I had in High School. The conservative Catholic college that I attended certainly had no services available to young men with this issue back in the 1970’s. Most likely, there weren’t such services at any college – religious or not....

I want to talk about a pet peeve of mine.  I’ll tell you when I get to it, so be patient with me. People hurt.  It’s part of the human condition.  People hurt from gut-wrenching grief.  People hurt from debilitating anxiety.  They hurt from heartbreak, frustration, anger, sadness, depression, hopelessness, loss.  The list goes on and on and on.  Have you ever hurt – I mean REALLY, I-think-I’m-gonna-die hurt?  Of course you have.  I don’t think anyone in the world has escaped this kind of despair....

I bet that most of us have heard of the concept of “gaydar” sometimes defined as an intuitive ability to assess the sexual orientation of another person from subtle cues. I know that this concept is wracked with potentially dangerous stereotypes. My intention has always been to talk about it in good fun, and never to be disparaging. I did a quick internet search to see if I could find any real research on the subject....

It’s January again. Time for New Year’s Resolutions. Anyone who has a few (or many) pounds to lose will most likely have “lose weight” at the top of their list. It’s such a cliché now that it’s laughable....

When Debbie and I were raising our kids, I made it clear that everyone in the family had a role and a job to do. When one of the kids would complain about homework, I’d say, “You’re a student. Studying? That’s your job.” Or if one would complain about doing their Saturday morning chores, I would say, “You’re a contributor to this family’s home. Scrubbing the kitchen floor? That’s your job.” You get the idea.....

Dating in college was fun. My eyes were on men often, but men dating men was absolutely not a thing that was done – especially at a private Catholic college. And the good news is I truly loved women – I was attracted to them, and really enjoyed dating them...

When we are children, most of us dream of becoming older and taller and stronger.  We want to grow up and be just like an admired older sibling or a beloved parent.  So, when did we stop proudly holding up our fingers to show our age and start demurely keeping our ages to ourselves?...

I suffer from LOPS - also known as “Last One Picked Syndrome” – a term I coined shortly after grade school where I contracted this malady. Here’s how it started...

I loved my first job out of college! I worked in the Financial Aid Office at a local university with an amazing team. I was the secretary – the first person you saw when you came in the door, and the first person you talked to when you called. I was at my best, smiling and cheerful and happy to help our customers and my team. 

When I was a very young boy, I always looked forward to my dad bringing a reel-to-reel tape recorder home from the language lab where he taught French at a high school in St. Paul. On Christmas Day, he’d gather all of us kids and interview us, asking us what toys Santa Claus got for us, and encouraging us to sing a song together or play the piano.